so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
