I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
