Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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