you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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