Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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