im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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