I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
