But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.