Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!