WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.