I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.