No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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