probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
