A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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