Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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