Are we in a gay sports bar?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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