OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
