I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
