About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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