i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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