Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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