Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
