Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
