Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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