they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You need Xanax blowdarts
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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