I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
