he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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