just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
