help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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