we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
