The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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