some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
two words: eviction party
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
