If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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