she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
