His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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