Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
