We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
