Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
