Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
