she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
