I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we're so committed to being not committed
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