just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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