Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
