oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
