hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
