He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
