There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
