Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
