Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
