i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
