i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
