So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
