I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
