Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
