I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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