We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ketchup is God's man juice
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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