He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
