sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
