i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need a burrito and a hug.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
