So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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