so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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