did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
