I wish I could teleport
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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