Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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