I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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