Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
