Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
