something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
