I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
