Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
