So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
