Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
