May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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