I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize