just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
