Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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