Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
