I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
