Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
