I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
