what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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