I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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