hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
