White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
