So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
