Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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