dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
