Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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