he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
