Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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