Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
