Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
