I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
