I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
