its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
