when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
