He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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